Softening in the midst of Profound Difficulty

The past 24 hours have presented me with what can definitely be classed as profound difficulty.  For much of it, I was just thrown into the midst of the trauma and felt pretty overwhelmed and assaulted by the events.  But I have been increasingly going to my little bit within, to what is deeper than any trauma or circumstance, no matter how awful (and it has been awful) and I have been realizing more as a result of that orientation.  I know I use John's terminology a lot, but it is really good language for expressing the truth.  In the midst of this profound difficulty, I was presented with yet a bit more difficulty - and that could have easily become too much ... but instead I have been achieving something like breakthroughs, in that I am able to, in the midst of all this awfulness, realize abilities which have to do with simply not making things any worse than they already are.  It's been so horrible, and I've been softening and softening - and still feeling it all - actually feeling more, I suspect.  But when yet one more thing came along, and the tendency to harden and close was right there, I just didn't, I just became calm, it was like, I couldn't feel any worse, so I had to stay calm, and then I softened, and I just dealt with the extra difficulty.  I stayed open and soft and I dealt with it as best I could and I felt so much easier in it, I felt True. In fact in dealing with it in that open and soft way, there were some nice surprises, and it certainly wasn't remotely as difficult as it would have been if I had stayed in the hardening and tightening.  So that's what's going on.  It is still going on and I am doing my best.  I realize more than ever I think that life is like this; sometimes things happen and it can feel absolutely awful and it is absolutely awful, and yet, when I soften and stay in what is deeper and truer, when I don't harden and tighten and make a 'poor me' story out of it, I can live through these times with altogether more grace and loveliness.  More than ever, I get why John goes on and on about openness and softenss of heart - it is absolutely key to true freedom.  It's not about feeling blissful all the time, it's about being true in whatever circumstance life brings.  For that kind of learning, I am grateful and I see that it is what life is (an opportunity) for - that is the evolution.

Until next time,
Love,
Shanti