Postcards from the Edge

First up, sorry that this week's post comes to you a day late - I was otherwise indisposed - and the title for this post has something to do with that; as to why I was indisposed.  In a manner of speaking, I was taken in by the Matrix at it's most ghastly, pretty much - I tipped over the edge, so to speak.  It was unexpected, particularly being as I'd been so happy to have John back in our midst and after I'd been in the Chair on Sunday afternoon -  for that was a sublime time to be sure.  It was one of the deepest connections I've ever had with John whereby I was so One with him, I was  him.  Now that sounds completely nutty from the worldly, conditioned self perspective - but it's the truth.  What I went into a day or so later, that  was true nuttiness - being completely sucked back into the Matrix of horrible thoughts and feelings, leaving me so drained I was like a dried out starfish, lying motionless on my bed for hours staring blankly at the ceiling .. lost in the darkest corners of the Matrix.  And now that I'm back in the saddle, a bit shell shocked at the severity with which I was suckered back into - hell, basically - it seems to me that to say there is no middle ground anymore is understatement of the century.  That's where I fell into the abyss of negativity, floundering about until I was that dried up starfish ...  It's a funny analogy, given that at the start of my time in the Chair on Sunday (and at the end too), I was deeply acquainted with such a deep, profound and beautiful calmness, that I likened it to being on the bottom of the ocean; John's ocean ... And then, a short while later, in believing thoughts and feelings which were not true, it was like a huge and unexpected wave cast me high and dry smack bang onto the beach - where I flapped around until I was almost like a dead thing ...
No middle ground means you can no longer get away with believing even a little bit of what isn't true.  In fact, it seems to me, that the more you Know the quicker and the harder you is gonna fall if you even look  in the general direction of that Matrix!
My time in the Chair with John on Sunday was all about receiving help to stay on point;  to stay only in what I know is real and true and good.  Yep, you guessed it, that's the help I unknowingly walked away with - middle ground, what middle ground?  What I have learned (again) from my recent decent into hell (pretty much, it was) is this:  Give nothing  to negativity - simply do not believe even the strongest thought/feeling/appearance of things if it's negative.  Give it nothing and instead, stay in the tiniest bit of what you Know, even if it seems so tiny that it's not in your experience at all, stand firm - and keep your mouth shut.  At the very least you can be OK in that sandstorm/tsunami, just keep quiet until it passes and stay calm (that tiny little bit is always so calm).  And never give up, never ever give up!  And it's good not to feel sorry for yourself (that's negative).  Sometimes these tests and challenges can feel overwhelming and so dark and difficult - but keep the faith people, don't take it to heart (and don't lose your sense of humour).  Just keep to the little tiny most quiet bit, that you Know is true.  Everyone has to go through dark and difficult times - it's what you believe and what you do (or don't do) whilst you're in them that's important, not the experience and certainly not the story that seems so believable ... You have everything you need, it's just so quiet and so tiny ...

Until next time,
Love,
Shanti