Under Pressure

Pressure relief anyone?

John sat at my table in the cafe on Sunday and I got to speak with him about the recent huge pressures I've been feeling in my self in dealing with on-going very difficult circumstances.  I spoke to him about the polarity between my self as a work-in-progress (integration) and the Deeper me and how the latter didn't really care at all about surface situations and how my accustomed self doesn't handle things so well and that I felt I could be in the Deep and then sort of represent my self, like an Ambassador.  John confirmed what I'd been discovering and went on to speak about having no middle ground (when I spoke about the process in my self being too slow) and he said how my relationship with my self will change, that I'd not be able to relate to anything like self pity, being a victim, fear or other (little self) emotions. We spoke then of comfort and discomfort for I see it is that which is the old way of relating to the self and it is that relationship with comfort and discomfort which primarily keeps that old relating/accustomed self alive.  I can see that when I go for pressure relief - it is all of that little self, it's always negative to varying degrees and even if it feels uncomfortable, it is a twisted sort of comfort because of going back to the familiar self-modality.  Before this big difficult circumstance entered on the scene, I had been doing quite well, at times staying sharp and in This 24/7 for days on end - yet John pointed out that without such big pressure, you don't get to this point - the death of the old relating to the self.  It really feels like a whole new step I am taking and, whilst I do know the Goodness of it, there is somewhat of a pressure cooker moment within as the distorted patterns of the accustomed self are no longer being given in to, no matter how intense the situation.  It's at times such as this that I am aware of the wonderfulness of having a living Master to speak to directly (and I said as much to John on Sunday).  So good to have him there able to guide us as we navigate all the pitfalls along the way.  If you're not able to be here to receive such individual guidance, at least you can send in a question for John - you know what to do...

 

Until next time,
Love,
Shanti